Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Are you F*&^ing kidding me!? Oh well Spain in 3 weeks!






Ok so I am quite aggravated about a few things at the moment. This must be a reaction to not having been to Vegas in oh what at least a week, I miss Sushi Samba with J, hearing about wood floor installations from Emily, and being surrounded by wannabes at Rehab as Matt and I look on in amazement.

Anyway this London bloke is wondering.....

"The heatwave plan alert is in four stages, with green level one signalling summer preparedness and long-term planning. Level two is amber and signals alert and readiness", while three is red for heatwave action.

Level four is classed as red emergency."

Are you kidding me? Just what is going on, why do we need stage alerts for hot weather, sure I know the sun in London is rare but let's celebrate it not develop a pseudo-terror alert style grading system! And you know someone got paid to consult on this.

Talking of pay days for crap, how much did Megan Fox get to compete with a tree for most wooden in Transformers 2? I would not really be able to tell you the full plot as I walked out of the Premiere. Yes, that is correct, not just the movie but the Premiere that is how much this film sucked. And I had every reason to stay, Nadir and Kiran - all the way from Arizona were by my side.

Even my date for the evening who made those little retarded droid things that bounced around look like HAL 9000 realised that the movie was truly terrible.

In fact the only enjoyable part of the evening was telling her when she told me that "No man has ever not wanted to take me on a second date" that I was glad I could have been part of a first in her life.

Huge boobs only get you so far in life. Jez would probably disagree on that one.

Hmm in other news, I have been pretty good at trying to keep somewhat in shape for the Summer as in I don't want to compete with the inflatable pool toy Shamu for bed time with my bro Mash.

The gym is a sweaty nightmare and after half an hour the machine tells me I have burnt only a few hundred calories, I then look at one candy bar at work that I brought in for my quiz I do for the kids and it is about 400 calories, about 20 percent of your daily recommended allowance.

I eat it anyway.

Don't worry I had more for the little ones. :)

One great thing we did was go to Biggin Hill Air Show (see it under my videos) but after just an hour, Nadir , Suha and Jez all looked at each other as we sat on the grass and I am pretty sure they were thinking the same as me, who the HELL can do this sitting in a field thing for 4 days over Glastonbury !

Weird, give me my TV, a drink in one hand and the option of passing out on my comfortable bed. Yup I am not getting old, I am there already.

Nevermind good things hopefully await.

Alice Cooper is touring in December, and MENORCA summer holiday in 3 weeks. Meital, Susan, Kerri, Dawn, Jeremy, Nadir, Mash, Jenna, Maninder, Was, Jodie and Daisy see you soon!

Oh and did I mention the new doctor jobs do not start until October , 2 months off. :)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Vegas Part 2

"You are going back to vegas?" They looked at me as if I was the patient not the doctor. "Don't you want to go somewhere else? Vietnam? Thailand? South America even!"

"No."

Whilst it is true my last trip was just 2 months ago there was unfinished business to be taken care of.

Sadly Nadir and Mash, 2 fellow Vegas afficiandos would not be joining me this time.

Both were engaged at this time. More specifically one to his girlfriend and one to his love of cruises.

"You are a very brave man," the cab driver said as he drove me towards Victoria station. I had hoped he would see the white ipod headphones in my ears but if he did he was taking no notice.

"And why's that?" I turned down the volume.

"Did you see the Air France thing the other day?"

"Yes I did, absolutely awful."

"YES! And you are seriously going to the airport after THAT!?" He looked at me in amazement in his rear view mirror.

Oh Lord here we go.

"Well statistically flying is still very safe."

"Rubbish! Are you a gambling man my friend?" I was not going to tell him my destination was vegas. But I was relieved that he had changed the subject.

"Not really."

"Well if you are flying today you are gambling with your life! Do you know why planes fly at 30,000 feet?" Nor was I going to tell him I am a qualified commercial pilot.

"Tell me" I said involuntarily shaking my head.

"Well you see they fly at that height because things go wrong so often that it's a sensible height so that they can glide into most airports for when the engines explode!"

"Righttttt." I sighed.

A few hours later I was crusing over the Continental U.S. watching some of the UK Apprentice that i had missed, the contestants really were extraordinarily bad.

"I bring ignorance to the table."

Yeah remind me to use that corker in my medical ARCP review in July. I was glad to be leaving the country for a week.

A few hours after the 747s wheels touched down on the long tarmac at McCarran airport, and after 2 aborted takeoffs last time with Jenna, we finally met up and went to the new Rare 120 in the Hard Rock, it was a really fun night with really good food and always fun to watch the TPT that incorporates the Hard Rock circle bar. Crazy thing about that restaurant is the waitresses wear small skirts with lingerie, it was like ok is this dinner or a strip club, i guess it is both in a way. Very vegas. Very distracting.

Anyway so Jenna tells me about her time working at Tao and such uber cool pools/restaurants/clubs etc! She goes on to shock me by telling me that the waitresses get weighed weekly. Bare in mind this is not a hospital, not an eating disorders unit, but a commercial venue. She qualifies it by saying, "Oh only the model waitresses get weighed not the normal ones."

To her this did not seem totally outrageous and I imagine if you are living in Vegas full time you adjust to anything, a bit like when I was a vascular surgeon as a junior doctor, I amputated a man's leg threw it in the clinical waste and went and had lunch. You really can become used to anything.

Moving on - the weather was crazy hot, the poker was providing cash and entertainment, the hard part was sleeping this trip, there is no sleeping at the HRH pool where they blast crap like "Nickelback" at 100 decibels. I wrote on my comments card they should have an area just to chill, I can imagine that comment card is winding its way to the nearest Vegas recycling yard as I type this.

I got to hang out with Matt, a cool guy from Florida that I met last trip, we played some poker together and had a funny afternoon in "Pink taco" (yeah don't) a mexican restaurant. The mexican food in there was amazing, although you can only imagine how calorific it is, not to sound like a girl but they asked if i wanted "fried icecream for dessert!"

Anyhow we found ourselves sitting next to 2 girls at the bar who were playing video black jack and playing with their faux diamond encrusted iphones. Lame!

"So I am Matt and this is Mark, what are your names?" Matt asked them.

"Guess!" One of them squeaked.

"Ok, what does it begin with?"

"A"

"Amanda?"

"No"

"Alice?"

"No! I will give you a clue. It is a season."

"Autumn?!"

"Yes it is Autumn!" She giggled.

Matt and I looked at each other - hookers for sure. I went back to sipping on my corona and we said our goodbyes.

On my last night I watched the Lakers kill the Magic whilst playing poker, my friends and I had a small wager on the Lakers and we won a fair bit so i bought my new friends at the table a drink each, baring in mind each drink in the casino were only a dollar I'm not sure why they kept telling me I was a "gentleman and a scholar."

I looked up the origin and the American Urban dictionary.com assures me that (and i quote directly from the site) "it's the highest compliment you can pay someone, equivalent to you have kind eyes and a beautiful soul but no where near as gay."

Emily and I got to hang out which was great as we have been friends for 2 years now.

I booked Tao for dinner, one of the best places in Las Vegas, and when we walked in, Emily looking stunning in a black small cocktail dress, they handed us a stupid remote vibrating buzzer thing to let us know when the table was ready.

I turned to the Maitre'D and said "Oh wow I did not know I booked TGI Fridays!"

Funnily enough after that it took them a long time to bother to seat us. Hilarious. He was not impressed.

I got drunk, Emily got "buzzed" whatever she meant by that and told me stories of wood floors and roof tops.

I did not do any flying this trip and I would NOT recommend spending almost 2 weeks in vegas. They say that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I read something quite apt in someone's column in the Vegas newspaper, it countered "the things that stay in vegas are your cash and your dignity." So true.

Having said that I want to go back for my birthday at the beginning of October and this time Sergio, Jas and Julie you are bloody well coming! Hawker jet and all.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Vegas Part 1


"Ladies and Gentleman, Good Morning and welcome to London's Gatwick Airport the temperature is 11 degrees, we remind you to please remain seated until the Captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign."

The now fuel depleted 747-400 Vegas Special Chav Edition (without premium economy refurb or power outlets for laptops) speedily taxis to gate 24.

Purple neon light eminates from the cieling, I ponder if I am staring at a Hard Rock Hotel towel? That was the last purple thing I saw in Vegas. I can barely stand up. I was taking absolutely no chances this flight home with work the next morning. I decided the best course of action was to abuse my medical degree.

No fewer than 2 different hypnotic medications were digested within 10 minutes of departure from McCarran airport in the Nevada desert and now I was unsteady on my feet as i reached for my carry on BUT I had slept the entire 10 hours. Or at least I think i slept it was hard to tell these pills cause amnesia, I could have been awake for 10 hours and now just could not remember. Either way I was in a bad mood to be home in London after 10 days of what can only be described as heaven.

The stewardess irritated me further - "We know you have a choice in your travels and we thank you for choosing Virgin Atlantic."

Really a choice? Who else flies direct to Vegas? Hmm that would be nobody.

The cold iphone had not been touched in a while, it took some time to power up. Contacts. Recent. Nadir. Dial. Photo of Nadir eating Boa Steak pops up on screen. Dialing. I hear Nadir.

"Yo Steve Wynn AKA Dr Sharawi I am home, how you doing?" I joked.

"Hey welcome home, I miss vegas bad and I have a flat tire, the consultant is going to have my ass!" Nadir sounded similarly pissed off.

"So just call in that you can't get to work till this afternoon."

"This isn't psychiatry man, I am an anaesthetist, I don't think you understand I'm actually important unlike you. I have to get there."

"Ok go get a cab into work and call the AA to do your tire later, I am at bag reclaim I have to go. Cheer up, things could be worse dude - you could be Kiran."

"True, speak later"

End Call.

Ok rewind one week to a very different morning conversation.

"Yo Bret Michaels are you awake?" Nadir stands over me getting up from his bed on the other side of the Hard Rock hotel room.

"I am now you Rock of Love fanatic, you do realise it is 6 am and we are on holiday?"

There is simply no way around jet lag, our bodies think it is 2 PM.

"Right so this is the plan, has Rock of Love 3 downloaded yet?" Nadir walks to the bathroom and I can hear him releasing a torrent of fluid into the toilet from his immature bladder.

"Yup Rock of Love the Bang Bus is ready to watch if you want." Downloads are super fast on American soil it seems.

I get out of my extremely comfy bed and I am dehydrated from the freezing air con and another late night of poker and watching Vegas's finest ladies dressed as school girls parade through the hotel.

"Ok I'm going downstairs to get starbucks, what do you want?" I grab my hotel key card.

"Get me a caramel latte, hold the whipped cream." I recall why the Americans called Nadir a fag in the elevator last time we were in the hotel.

"Righttttt, I will be back, don't start a Skype with your parents or Suha (his girlfriend), it is TOO BLOODY EARLY! Do you hear me?"

I leave the room, go down one floor, and the elevator doors open out into Starbucks, hard rock music is in fact playing at 6 am, this place is insane.

I leave the aforementioned coffee Mecca with a hot chocolate and caramel latte and take them to the room. I can hear him talking in the room before I enter. Unlike the last trip he is in fact not slagging me off for dragging him on his birthday to a strip club. But he is on skype to his girlfriend, and because I also love her I let it slide for 30 minutes, whilst I sip my drink in bed and listen to how much he loves and misses his "bug" - must be a Sudanese thing!?

He closes Skype and we proceed to watch Rock of Love 3 till about 9 am. Hard Core Sluts parade with no clothes on around Bret Michaels in an attempt to outdo each other, it is not too disimilar to what we see when we then go to the pool.

The sun beats down on us as we lay out at the HRH pool and waitresses with impossibly small waists, long legs and huge fake breasts offer us "poolside service." It soon becomes apparent that there is no point in saying a million times a minute to each other, "Oh my GAWD did you see that?!"

By lunch time we have had enough sun and we go for lunch, we order salads, but these are not European salads, they are American salads, they actually have food in them, not just iceberg lettuce. And they taste AMAZING.

The afternoon is spent chatting to interesting and funny poker dealers and poker room staff like Matt and Alexis. Everyone is fun and smart and witty. This is definitely not Luton town's very own casino. Yuk.

We go up and down in the winnings and losses of cash poker and enter small tournaments and even win a few. Work is forgotten. Being a trainee doctor in an unfair and demoralised national health service is forgotten. Bad weather is forgotten. Bad food is forgotten. That big ALL in push of the chips which gets called and blows the other player out the game is REMEMBERED.

Later we go to the airfield in North Las Vegas, we meet an enthusiastic and friendly instructor called Chase. I comment that I have not heard such a cool name since Michael Knight. We like him he gets our stupid South Park humour. I fly my best friend over one of the World's great wonders, the Grand Canyon. I refill the Cirrus 310 horse power plane after almost 2.5 hours of engine time, it comes to the same amount to fill half my car at home.

Dinner is approaching - Samba, Brazillian Rodizio is the order of the day at the Mirage hotel. It is packed. The food is amazing. We consider coming back every night, but we don't.

Collectively we have partied, drunk with, played poker with and danced and eaten with Gautam, his stunning wife and Kiran. We have heard about Katie's cats and her evolving Vegas modelling career. We saw her amazing blue eyes were bigger than her stomach at Lavo. I gave probably very bad dating advice to the one they call Joli!

Chase has guided us through Vegas airspace. We have skyped with Sally, Mrs and Dr Sharawi Senior and my parents. We fell in love with and fell out of love with the Monopoly 1 cent slot machine. We cashed in our 5 dollar comp at Mr Lucky's for some tasty beef sliders, whilst a film crew ignored us and filmed some MTV reality TV show.

We missed Mash "I raise All in with my great hand 7 - 2 offsuit" and Jez "Why do you make me play and win 1000s of dollars in poker till 3 am whilst you bastards sleep, I just want to go back to bed!"

We missed Maninder who said she was almost definitely coming until she admitted she was a fibber. We thought how great Lee was in getting us lounge access. I found that you can have overwhelming chemistry with someone you meet for a VERY brief time in strange circumstances. ;)

Steve Wynn proved to me that he really is as nasty as everyone says he is. 3 Blue Men showed me that I had forgotten how good it was to dance to KLF. I ate amazing food by the lake of dreams sitting beside Stephanie Seymour. Stephanie made me look good in XS. Cara taught me what Tiki is. Karen and Rachael kept my tired spirits up by texting me every day encouraging me to have more fun! AS if i needed encouragement.

Mike promised me that I might be able to meet his great Uncle, my hero, Jim Lovell of Apollo 13 one day.

What I think I learnt was what I think I and you already knew - was that I live for vacations. Well vacations as good as this.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Video of Dani and Tuvis Wedding

Dani and Tuvi's Wedding - Special Edition just made for my friends that came!


video

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Dicing with Death in the Casa Jet - The story


I have delayed for almost a year now in writing the story of a near death experience in my flying career. Some will say this is hyperbole but having been there and sat in the plane as it dived for some time out of control towards houses only hundreds of feet below, it is not exaggeration in my opinion. The video is under my videos on facebook in case you want to see more...

It was a beautiful day in Los Angeles the weather was 75 degrees and I was wondering how long it would take for Sergio and I to drive to the airfield outside of LA, where the CASA Aviojet, a jet-powered trainer and light attack aircraft was hangered. It was in fact the last jet that Messerschmitt designed.

I called Sergio in advance of our meeting. "Ok buddy where shall we meet and what is the address for the airport we are going to for the Tom Tom?"

"We are going to fly there - we can take my friends plane." He said.

This is just one beautiful illustration of how life in California is so much better than in the UK. Not only were we not going to drive to Whiteman airfield, we were going to take Sergio's friends plane to get there, I mean I can not even think of a time I lent my best friend my car let alone my plane.

I spotted Sergio sitting in his friends 4 seater light aircraft, a PA-28, a few minutes later we were airborne and flying through the green valley ridges towards the small strip of Whiteman airport. We radioed Van Nuys. "Requesting permission to enter class Delta airspace for Whiteman"

No response. We tried 3 more times.

"Standby" came the reply from the Van Nuys controller.

I sighed with impatience.

I was studying for my commerical pilots license and knew that any radio contact from a class Delta controller meant that we could now legally penetrate their airspace. If the controller did not say "Stay Clear of Class Delta" we were not going to.

"That's good enough for me" Sergio winked at me and exited our 30 degree bank for a new heading - straight into Van Nuys airspace. He was exactly the kind of pilot instructor you wanted, confident and calm at all times but with obvious enthusiasm to teach and let you fly as much as you wanted.

I could barely make out the small tower and runway strip as we called finals, it was in the midst of a busy populated area, hard to spot under Burbank's class Charlie airspace. Little did I know the next time I would be landing on runway 12 would be after requesting priority for an emergency landing.

We taxied quite a distance to some plain hangars, we opened the doors and there sat the Casa Jet trainer, in grey colours with a red lightning bolt down the empannage.

The 2 jet engine intakes at the front of the plane, looked well erm basically awesome!

We changed into flight suits, Sergio, ever the legend, let me have the better one and we took some Top Gun posing shots.

A man on a scooter approached us and spent almost a half hour asking me what I thought about the events of 9/11 and "was i really stupid enough to believe that terrorists had flown planes into the buildings in NY?!"

I argued with him but then capitulated as he was clearly unstable. I could not have guessed that the talking of planes flying into buildings would within an hour be somewhat appropriate to my own life.

We towed the plane to the run up area tested the engine and went through a start up sequence. The noise without the canopy on was simply thrilling. The whine of the turbines made my hairs stand on end.

We powered down and went to the restaurant for lunch.

Sergio ordered a BLT and I ordered some ice water. I get dizzy at times on the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups at Disney World so there was no way I was going to fill my stomach up on food before doing aerobatics in a jet trainer.

I had done some aerobatics in a Tiger Moth, a World War 1 aircraft in Australia in 1998 but that was a slow moving gentle biplane, and I had recently done some Split S turns and inverted flight in a C-172 with Mike but that's a story for another time.

I was sure this would be much more disorientating and labrynthitis inducing.

Sergio was ready, I was nervous, but I opted to sit in the front seat, Sergio could go RIO for this trip. It meant that I had to use the radio as this was only possible from the front seat and we reviewed ejection procedures. Sergio explained that in the case of an unrecoverable emergency there is no rocket propelled ejection seat. I would need to manually jettison the canopy and just jump out the aircraft and use my parachute. I didn't give it much thought really, I was not planning on having anything go wrong despite my parents suggesting I not go in an old jet trainer put together from spare parts. And my parents pretty much encourage me to fly as much as I can in whatever I can.

I put on the parachute, put on my helmet and connected my oxygen mask with radio mike.

We lined up to the runway.

"Two One Two Alpha Mike is ready for departure" I keyed the mike.

"212AM take off no delay, left turn out after departure"

"Left turn out after departure, lining up"

"Here we go!" I could hear Sergio over the intercom but barely as the jet engines spooled up to take off power.

I was tachycardic and tachypneic - I breathed harder into the oxygen mask and turned up the flow.

We shot into the air and I could feel amazing thrust propelling us to 200 knots within 30 seconds. I was waiting for Sergio to call out for the hydraulic pump circuit breaker to be pulled which was only accessible from my position. I waited and waited for what felt like an eternity. I spoke into my mask, "Hey buddy is it time to hit the breaker?"

I could not make out a reply, the noise inside the cockpit was just too loud. Was this normal ? I tried again and again. Still I could not hear Sergio.

My heart got faster still. Something was wrong. Something was definitely not right here. I had never flown this plane before, it was unfamiliar to me and I did not fancy dealing with anything out of the norm. Whereas in a plane I was familiar with I could feasibly help my co pilot, in this jet I was not so sure. We were at about 1000 feet AGL and level. 200 kts indicated.

I turned my head around to try and show Sergio that I had a problem with comms. I could not hear him. It was in that split second I realised why! Sergio's canopy, the roof of the plane ripped off the plane in front of my eyes, it was hanging on by one final safety bolt. If that went the canopy could hit the tail plane and severly cripple the aircraft.

Time slowed down, this was now an actual emergency. Sergio was blinded by the 200 kt head wind in his face, and he was screaming at me. But the plane was not an open cockpit design and it was never meant to be going at such speeds without a roof, communication was impossible.

I also had no clue as to whether there was a more serious problem and Sergio had himself jettisoned his canopy and was preparing to jump out the plane.

Was he yelling at me to jettison my canopy and eject? Had I caused this by not pulling the hydraulic circuit breaker?!

I held off ejecting , I knew we were barely at 1000 feet and jumping out would be suicide anyway.

"Fly the plane!" He yelled. I still could not hear what he was saying.

"Take control of the plane!" This time I got what he was saying and I turned around and grabbed the controls.

This plane was fast and twitchy as hell not like the cessnas and pipers I had been flying for the last 2 months at 90 kts. I glanced at the VSI, the vertical speed indicator it was showing about minus 500 feet per minute and I could see the houses were looking bigger and bigger. If I could not level her out whilst Sergio wrestled with the canopy we would be a fireball within two minutes.

I kept her roughly level but thoughts were racing through my head, I knew we were not out the woods yet and I gave us 50/50 odds to make it through this alive. I was praying that it was simply that the canopy had not been locked in place properly and had come loose and that Sergio would be able to fly the plane back to Whiteman.

As the plane rocketed away from the airport, I lost sight of it and I thought of my family and how if I died they would absolutely kill me!

Everything was happening in micro seconds and within that time frame there became a moment when I was flying the plane and there was nothing I could think of to do so I keyed the mike once more.

"Two One Two Alpha Mike declaring an emergency, request immediate landing!"

Fuck I was still flying this bitch and I had no idea where the airport was, somewhere off the port wing. Come on Serg, fly this bloody plane, I need you right bloody now!

And from that moment on Sergio positioned himself so my body acted as a wind breaker and he could see again, he calmly regained control, I could feel her settle to his experienced touch and I could hear the hydraulics whirr into action as the undercarriage lights illuminated and locked into place. I told him we were cleared to land!

He turned smoothly back West and I caught sight of the airport, I knew we were going to be ok. The landing was perfect and the tower asked me if we needed emergency vehicles.

We didn't.

I was sitting in a bath of my own sweat. "Good job Man" I said to my instructor, friend and co pilot.

"Want to go again?" He laughed as if nothing had happened but a slight waste of JET A fuel.

I was thinking no fucking way!

"Sure, let's go again." The words left my mouth and after a new canopy was found an hour later we were doing barrel rolls and 20 foot passes over the Nevada desert.

What a ride.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Egyptian Dreams ?

Let me say before I write this blog that it is in no way reflective on my best friend Nadir and his greatness. As you will all know, the last holiday we had in Vegas was one of the very best, the things that I will go on to describe had nothing to do with him or his amazing girlfriend Princess Suha. Essentially this blog is tongue in cheek and it was great to be on holiday with 3 of my bestfriends. Anyway......

The Lord was not messing about when Moses took us out of Egypt, he supplied manna from heaven, and water from rocks, he repelled all attackers, and even forgave us when we started acting like retards and prayed to a golden cow. What i'm saying is he put a lot of effort into keeping us from going back to Egypt, and the first indication that a Jew going back was truly stupid is the only way to get there is via XL airways.

2 + 2 does not equal 3 and a 6 foot 2 man like myself does not fit into an XL seat for almost 6 hours. Never mind, the Hilton Dreams awaited! My friend that I was really looking forward to seeing had bailed, due to an unfortunate family member's illness and so it was Mash and I standing in a lay-by outside the airport as the cold wind and sand particles twisted around us as we stood negotiating prices down with the cabbies.

"But my friend I give you good price, the hotel is 30 KM away!" The taxi driver protested as he threw his arms in the air, palms open as if he was actually telling the truth.

Five minutes later we arrived at our hotel. "That was a short 30 Kilometers," I said to him.

He began to verbally assault me in arabic, I turned away and thought of my nice bed in the villa that Nadir had been talking of for a long time.

Mash and I excitedly asked the man at reception to call the room so we could speak with our welcoming party Nadir, Suha, Rex, Dave and some nurse that Nadir had found under a rock.

"I am sorry Sir, Dr El Sharawi is not in his room, but here are 2 keys, Mahmoud will drive you to your room."

After Mahmoud tried to show off what a pseudo-robin reliant car without the performance of one can do on a hill climb, Mash and I ran into the villa. We found our room and looked at each other.

Now for those of you that do not know, Mash and I became friends when he was my medical student when I first qualified as a doctor. Now when I was younger I imagined a very different type of medical student that I might one day take to bed, one without a penis for starters. We looked at the King Size bed and both of us shouted in unison, "NADIR!!!!!!"

We went to chastise him, maybe I could find an Egyptian that would flog him. For 100 Egyptian Pounds they would pretty much do anything.

The first 2 days it rained so we could not really do anything, I was expecting at one point G-d to send a sign like frogs pouring down as a reminder that my people worked hard to get the hell out of this place. Luckily that did not happen, but the water from the taps did turn brown half way through the holiday! The addition of Wasan, Mash's lovely girlfriend and friend of mine, improved my mood, but she left after a few days.

Then I was left alone for the second part of the holiday as everyone went diving, which I was not in the mood for after Nadir proudly explained that he had triumphed by under cutting the average going price for a professional dive school to take you down into the depths of the Red Sea. (Again the last time I had heard about the Red Sea was when thousands of Egyptians were drowned by G-d's nifty party trick the infamous parting of the waters).

Yes his new friend, Waleed would take you diving for about 10 quid a person for a whole day, I have no idea if that included oxygen in the tanks or just whatever gas was going cheap at the Dive Centre that day. Anyway I thought better of it, and I was to be proved right when Suha came back with 2 ruptured tympanic membranes and a burst nasal capillary. And Rex had done multiple emergency ascents to the surface. Sounded great! Not.

I did go quad biking which could have been really good fun if it had not been so bloody freezing at night and if the desert was not basically a rubbish tip, it was totally ruined by the fact the locals use it as a fly tipping area and we had an Arabic camera man filming us the whole time with a shoulder mounted camera, the ones you normally see Al Jazeera showing footage of terrorists holding when there has been a kidnap followed by a beheading.

The fact that the camera man thought it was hilarious to repeatedly repeat the name of Osama Bin Laden like a demented zombie did not help calm nerves that they might be leading our quad bikes into some hostage situation, I could not remember if Terry Waite was taken hostage whilst on a quad biking excursion!

The food the entire trip was awful, it was stone cold at every restaurant, despite multiple requests for hot food to avoid Ramases Revenge. The best Middle Eastern food I had in the whole last 10 days was when I got back to my home town of St Johns Wood with Brisi, how crazy is that?

When Jez picked us up after an almost 2 hour wait for our luggage at 3 am at Gatwick I was not sure if his TT was a super car or a rescue vehicle. Either way thanks.

And as the theme tune for the holiday went, will I be going back to Egypt ever? No no no notorious..................... NO!!!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Return of the Blog (Mark Vs Facebook)

"Oh my g-d so arrogant!"
"Are you serious, your own website?"
"Why would anyone look at that?"

Just some of the comments that I regularly got over the last two years, when I told people that I had a website, (www.marksilvert.com).

Before the website, I used this blogging page (www.doctormark.blogspot.com) to write about my travels in America and due to its popularity I continued it onwards into my site, the editing made easy and aesthetically pleasing by the wonders of my Apple Mac.

But it's me that's having the last laugh on those that would chortle at my egotism.

With the explosion in social networking site "Facebook" everyone I know with the exception of 3 New Yorkers, Jackie, Kate and Zoe, and one Brit, Adam Cane, (get them on!!) now has their own webpage, where they are not only uploading photos of friends, family, new babies, engagements, weddings but informing everyone on a hourly or minute by minute basis of what they are up to. Some use their mobiles to update what they are up to.

Not even I go that far!!

What facebook does is prove that we are all wannabe celebs, we crave our own space, our personalities have an unquenchable appetite for attention. I make no secret of it, I love attention, who the hell doesn't?

But facebook has a negative side too. It was on the news today that most adults have about 30 - 40 friends, well I think that was about right, but not anymore.

Some people list up to 4 to 500 hundred friends on their facebook pages. Whilst this is ridiculous, it is certainly possible to have a couple of hundred that you email and poke from time to time.

These sites are changing the ways in which we live. We sailed through school years and tours and holidays, and left some friends in the wake of our stern, whilst keeping others on deck. But now it turns out those friends made it, and swam to safety, only to reappear on these social networking sites with old photos of us that we had never seen before and certainly never even imagined we would approve or disapprove of a tag!

In fact I tagged an ex girlfriend the other day who is now engaged, and she removed it within seconds of it being in cyberspace.

It felt good in some ways to know that there were some people that I would just never hear or see of again. But now with one click I can see what they are up to, guess at how much more successful they are than me and how amazingly missed they are by their friends, by taking a look at their wall - and all because they went to Brighton for the day or something equally ridiculous.

Those that do not partake in these sites are missing out on literally hundreds of invites out to clubs, bars, and birthdays yearly. I don't know what I did before facebook to work out when the next jew doo was taking place or which club everyone was going to on a bank holiday weekend, I guess I just phoned around. Now I just click on the events tab! EASY!

It goes further, these sites change the way you feel. Feeling sad, log on, get some emails, some pokes, some hugs, some slaps even, feel better about life. Family and friends are there cheering you on.

Poke a one night stand, get a poke back, sort out your next Sunday night! (So I am told.)

Feeling happy, log on, and what do you find, photos of the one that got away getting married to a one legged, receding hair lined beast! What was so wrong with me!!!?

You see there are things you just shouldn't see in life, like your long term ex girlfriends marriage, the photos of other people's holidays when you are stuck feeling sorry for yourself for one reason or another, they smile at you, they who are saying "look at what a fucking brilliant time I am having!!!"

I think you get my point. Facebook is the invention of the devil and somewhere deep down you agree with me, you know it's wrong and so so addictive, like gambling, drugs or alcohol.

Now I simply must go, I have to upload some photos of me and Jez on a boat in 30 degree weather off a Balearic island, not that I am trying to make you jealous or anything.......

Monday, April 03, 2006

Pandora's Mobile

My friend has been dying to write up his story for his blog but sadly the life of a NewYork playboy, property agent and expatriate leaves him little time. So the gauntlet falls to me.

Fasten your sense of morality and ethics, you are in for a bumpy ride!

Our hero and possible villain of this story shall remain nameless or I couldn't write this blog.

The snow was coming down on the shivering sky scrapers of Manhattan settling a few inches on the ground. Far below the powdery snow the telephone cables under the Eastern seaboard were buzzing with data streaming back and forth. Somewhere in cyber space I was busily arranging for a good friend of mine to stay with another good friend of mine in NewYork.

The reason why she needed a place to stay is of no importance. She needed somewhere and a friend of mine was kind enough to offer up his apartment. Ok already I sense confusion. Let us name everyone, it may help.

If I am Hephaestus, (the one that creates the debaucle), she will be Pandora and he can be Epimetheus.

Ok here we go...

So Epimetheus decides that the beautiful Pandora should be taken out ahead of time, even before she moves in with him for a long weekend. Smooth mover!

Where does Epimetheus choose?

The Opera. I mean how ironic. Surely this was a warning ahead of time, Opera is always about the tragedy of a hero! And a tragedy is on its way - trust me.

But so far so good.

Epimetheus feels Pandora has enjoyed her night at the Opera and they hop into a shiny yellow cab, Epimetheus is dropped off first and then Pandora finally gets home. Epimetheus is content that he is well on his way to a good weekend.

In fact his phone bleeps soon after with a message from Pandora extoling his virtues and revealing to him what a great night it was! An hour later and yet again his phone rings as he is about to settle in for the night. It's a stranger's voice, it turns out that Pandora has left her mobile phone in the cab and a kindly stranger has retrieved it and called the last number dialed, which as fate would have it was Epimetheus's.

Carpe Diem!

Epimetheus jumps out of bed and in the late hour he rides another cab like the mighty Pegasus to get the phone!

And what fair readers does Epimetheus do now? For Epimetheus wants to know why Pandora's phone is beeping madly all night, flashing with new messages popping up from Zeus, Hector, Agamemnon, Hercules and Achiles to name but a few other men..

Well Epimetheus, he decides to try and cease the phones vibrations. And he finds himself in her sent messages box! He reads them. The first text makes him smile as he has seen it already once tonight, it is addressed to him from earlier.

"Dear Epimetheus, what a lovely time I had at the Opera, I am so glad I will be staying with you. Nite x"

The second text dear readers he has not seen.

"Oh my Lord, what a nightmare evening I just had with Epimetheus, he is such a geek and not my type at all, oh well at least it is free accommodation!"

Needless to say the weekend was not a great success, but Epimetheus was a good friend to Hephaestus and let Pandora stay anyway.

And the morale of the story? Always delete your text messages!!!